the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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