And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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