stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
