make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
