i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
