dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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