also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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