I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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