Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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