oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
