I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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