I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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