I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
