You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
