He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
