"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
