I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
