Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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