at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
