Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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