I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
