Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
