I'm gonna have a badass scar
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
