He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
