his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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