Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
