I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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