this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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