I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.