He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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