jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
