everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
