How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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