Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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