What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
