he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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