Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
