2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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