I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
