I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
