It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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