1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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