I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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