You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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