I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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