all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
