the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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