Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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