I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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