I think I won the penis lottery.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
