Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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