I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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