the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
