Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
