She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
