i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The air taste purple.
Randomize
