What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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