home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
