FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
