i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize