I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
