That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
