So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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