Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
