Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
