I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
