i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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