So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
