I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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