Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
