there's paper in my vomit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
