NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
