So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
