Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
