Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
