It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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